I feel so full of positive energy I had to write. Learning to let go and trust yourself is such a beautiful and inspiring process. I came up with a quote I will affirm all day long: "You don't have to appreciate the person, you just have to appreciate the purpose they served in your life." This concept gives me such comfort; I feel exalted! (Not in a presumptuous way of course) Cutting negative energies out of my life has been such an essential change that I needed to make in order to keep my sanity. After all I haven't made the decision to be a therapist as far as I know and I sure as shit am not getting paid for it. Haha. I suppose I should give a tiny bit of my history in order to explain this exalted state after purging negative influences from my life. You guys have to know a bit about me in order for my ideas to have any credibility, right?
I became my mother's mother when I was 9 years old. Emotionally and mentally, I was no longer a child after that point. I've been in and out of foster care and various institutions and was dangerously addicted to cocaine at the age of 15. All 3 of my immediate family members are addicts. Although I don't think the word "addict" even cuts it, my parents are and were slaves to their addictions. Literally, I've seen my mom more fucked up than most heroin addicts get more times than I can begin to count. After the age of 9, I was surrounded by addicts and had to go in to survival mode up until a couple of years ago when I finally got away from them. Anyway, I always knew my brother would have a harder time getting out of it than myself because he could never entertain himself. In my opinion that's a telltale sign of someone with an addictive personality. I emit my appreciation to the universe often for not inheriting the gene, and having the willpower and self-discipline to find other means of finding happiness. The gene compounded with a borderline personality is such a toxic combination.
My brother has survived a heroin and meth addiction, has a child, and is 20 years old. He's somehow still an intelligent individual and I'm very proud of him for finding contentment in his work as a chef. It's a miracle he isn't dead. The same goes for me but I don't usually mull over that thought for longer than half a second. So to make a very lengthy story short, I can't have relationships with people that remind me of my parents at all. I just can't do it. Unfortunately in this day and age, this disease has a major grip on quite a bit of the American population. So that means for myself, be open but be wary of the vibe. I don't even have to talk with the person in question; it's like I smell it and am immediately repelled by the pungent stench of desperation. But on to lighter matters!
With my love singing his favorite Chili Peppers songs in the background, I relish in the loveliness of this wonderful day in Florida. Oh, how he plays that guitar. Waking up earlier is really a key for a fulfilling day isn't it? I love it. I've already done yoga, gotten paperwork done, had a smoothie, gone for a bike ride, and made the most delicious meat-free breakfast (I'm a pescatarian so I only eat seafood), and it's only 1:30! Woo! Now to work on music before hittin' the ole' work grind. I'm a server by day and singer/aerialist/fire performer by night. I love both of my jobs. I think serving is a job that keeps your people skills sharp in a world of noncommittal, half-arsed conversations and blank, IPhone-imprinted, screen-staring faces. Serving has helped me with my speech too; I used to murmur a lot. Pardon me if I use an inexcusable excessive amount of semi-colons. I always got in trouble in English class for using too many. I just think they're so decorative. Hey thanks for reading and I'll talk to ya soon eh?! Cheese!